Do you remember as a kid the fountains that you threw change into and were suppose to make a wish?

Maybe you were one of those kids that took all the change your parents had on them because the more change you threw in you thought the better chances of your wish coming true.

It is interesting as an adult how those wishes change. What you would wish for as a kid is so different then what you would wish for as an adult. As a kid I threw change into the wishing fountain in our mall and my wish did come true. I wished for a dog.

Now say you were told that you did have the opportunity for that one wish to come true that would only cost one  penny, nickle, dime, or quarter.

What would be your one wish?

Your house to be paid off

A new car

A college degree

Dinner with your favorite celebrity

A dream vacation

Win the lottery

A new house

Your child to be cancer free

Your mother not to have alzheimers

One more day with a loved one that has died

If you could make one wish come true what would it be? I could think of many things I could wish for. One more day being innocent when I trusted everyone at 5 years old with the large extended family I once adored, my medical problems due to a controlled seizure condition gone,  having all my student loans paid off, my own apartment in Manhattan, New York, a man I could trust, one more day with my great-grandma overlooking the lake she lived on in Michigan. I could think of a thousand things but there is one thing that tops them all I would use that one wish on.

The ability to have a half hour of every single parent, educator, and lawmakers time in America. I would have the attention of millions and the entire conversation would surround how we as America known as the greatest nation are failing children terribly from protecting them from the evil in this world. I would start off by explaining what happened in my childhood and what I can never get back and then point out how millions of children fall through the cracks because we ignore this silent epidemic and are not doing enough and what needs to be done ending on how education in schools with “Erin’s law” would be getting the message every year through elementary school to kids because we cannot rely on parents to talk to their kids about this. Often they are the ones abusing their kids. I want to pop the bubble society lives in thinking “this won’t happen to my child or students in my classroom.” Children of all races and economic backgrounds are abused. Black & White/Rich & Poor. It is happening everyday and America continues to ignore it until it is too late.

A few years back NBC, ABC, and CBS often known as competitors all joined forces and did a broadcast all together on their networks on Standing Up to Cancer. When will we see America step out of the shadows of silence and darkness and Stand Up to Child Abuse and not just leave it up to the child abuse advocates. There is so much research going on for saving lives from cancer, autism, alzheimers, aids, diabetes, and fighting wars in other countries. America just pulled its final troops out of the war in Iraq this week. Is America going to finally look at its own country and see the war going on with our most innocent people THE CHILDREN and start fighting the war going on in our own communities, streets, and backyards.

That day will come and I will be here to see it because I will be apart of making it happen but I cannot do it alone. Someday my wish will come true and the silence around the topic of child sexual abuse will no longer exist. While it would be easy just to keep wishing by throwing spare change into a wishing well that won’t bring the change I am looking for. If only it were that easy.

This type of wish calls for action. With the direction, dedication, and mission I am headed on in life this wish will be accomplished someday. Just give me time and wait and see!

It is the question I was asked this weekend when my Aunt Besty was in town visiting from Michigan. She is my mother’s sister. We went to dinner and while at dinner she turned to my mother and I and asked “What has been the worst day of your entire life?” If you have read either of my books in Stolen Innocence I describe that day on pages 46-51 the last time my cousin ever trapped me behind closed doors for several hours. I describe in my 2nd book  Living For Today that day on page 11-14, and I went on to describe the other worst day of my life on page 46-51. Moments I recently described to someone last week so crystal clear in my memory as if they took place yesterday. From the background noises, to the items in the room, to the look in both their eyes.  Those two single events weeks shy of 7 on a January day, and just turned 13 on a March night were by far the worst two days of the 9, 327 days I’ve been alive.

Those two days alone had enough of an impact on me to shape me to be the person I am today.  Those two days did not kill me, but they did kill my innocence and ability to trust.

Then my aunt asked what has been by far the greatest day in your life. If you know me well enough you’d know by now it was April 28th, 1997. I was 12 years old. I describe this day in both my books as well. I was living in silence by two evil men that had abused me but on that single day all I could think about was watching my greatest dream come true when my mom surprised me with my yellow labrador retriever Chance who had just turned a year old and is now a 14 years and almost 4 months and living on borrowed time. As I tell Chance every morning when I hear him bark to be walked or I wake him. “You stole another day!” I am very attached to Chance and am not yet sure how I am going to let go of the greatest thing from my childhood. I cannot think of how life will be not starting my morning with walking the dog or ending my night by walking him. I just wish there was an easier way of saying goodbye then putting them down. I cannot tell you how many times I have prayed to God to take him in his sleep. I want to be the last one with him so I will not let anyone bring him in to put him down I just cannot yet bring myself to do that. He still finds too much enjoyment in eating, if off a leash he slowly walks around the yard until you actually sit him down however his balance is not the best because of his bad hips.

He is outside barking at this very moment which means I need to end this post. He knows how to get my attention.

So thinking of your life thus far what has been the worst and greatest day or your life.

I have been called an angel and hero by many survivors. Thousands have sent me letters thanking me. There is someone else far more deserving of that thank you who is the true hero. For without Him no one would know me. He is the greatest therapist you could ever ask for and guess what he is free and all it will cost you is to believe in Him. No appointment needed He will always make time day or night for you. His advice is far greater then any advice you will ever get. You just have to listen and you will hear Him.

He will catch your tears and comfort you when you are in pain. He will take your biggest burdens and carry them for you. He will fill your heart and soul with the energy to get out of bed and face another day. He will remind you when you need to be reminded by dropping hints right in front of your face. He will hold your hand as you move forward letting you know He is with you all the way. He has your entire life mapped out and molded each and every single one of us into a unique individual with a purpose. Some people spend a lifetime trying to discover their purpose on this Earth for others they discover it early on in life. Many turn towards Him the most when in need of help many others turn against Him when tragedy happens wondering how someone with his power can allow such evil to exist in a world like the one we live in.

If you have not figured out who He is that I am talking about it is God our Father who gave up his only son for our sins. Whether you believe in Him (the father, son, and holy spirit) or not  He is the answer to everything. He created us with a freedom of choice to choose to do good or bad in this lifetime.

I describe in the books I have written talking about leading people out of silence and darkness and towards breaking their silence and the light. The deeper message behind that is how God is using me to show people to Him. Lead those in darkness to open that door and accept Christ into their lives. Be a witness to those who grew up in a home where the Lord was not spoken of. For when I get to the end of this lifetime I feel when I reach the gates of Heaven standing before me will not be those who I helped break their silence but those I lead to believe Jesus died for our sins and accept him into their life.

He was there when the nearly seven year old that I was, was held down and raped on a bed. He could of rescued me by calling me home to be with Him, instead He knew His purpose when He created me. He held my hand and walked me home that day. He lead the young girl I was away from evil and did not allow it to kill me. Evil lured the young innocent child I was back. He lead my parents to put their home up for sale to guide me away from the evil on this Earth. Only for evil to attack me again this time much closer to home in my own family through my cousin. Back then I would cry out to Him to protect me but I was not yet strong enough to expose the evil I witnessed. I distanced myself for years turning away from Him. Still believing in Him but losing all faith in Him. I turned down many destructive paths self-injury, suicide attempt, and anorexia. When I finally started listening to Him I would hear Him say I have given you this life why are you destroying it. He spoke to me when I was 16 years old after swallowing a bottle of pills that this was not my time and I had a purpose in this life. He stopped me at 18 years old walking upstairs to my bedroom to take razors to my wrists and told me to turn back around and lead me to the computer where I typed out a 5 page letter. A letter filled with a lot of anger and rage towards a cousin that molested me. He was speaking to me then showing me over the course of the next several months the darkness I was staying in by holding on to all this anger, rage, and pain. I heard Him loud and clear “I will repay your enemies trust in me, do not be overcome by this evil but overcome this evil with good.” just as it says in the Bible. He was giving me a clear picture of His purpose for me. I was allowing this evil to consume me and stay stuck in the darkness. He was softening my heart to forgive, teach others to forgive and lead those in the dark to Him. He would have to remind me more then once to trust Him and have faith in Him. The wonders he has been doing in my life since then has been remarkable. The fireworks he has set off in my soul is something I wish for everyone to experience. The conversations I have on a daily basis with Him constantly give me the drive and thrive to accomplish what He has set forth for me to do. When I tell people not to doubt me in the things I have set out to accomplish in this life, I say that because I am walking along side God every step of the way and with Him anything is possible. When I say I will move mountains I mean it because I got God moving them with me and hope you will join us.

The number 1 question I get asked all the time over and over the past 6 years is “Where do I get the strength and courage to do what I do?” The answer is simple just ask for God and you will understand you just have to have faith in Him and not doubt Him and you too can experience what I am experiencing.

Think of the person in your life that has caused you the greatest pain. Still thinking of that same person if you were given the opportunity to sit down and have coffee with this person for an hour “What would you talk about?” Some of you might be reading this saying “Are you nuts I would never sit down and have coffee with that person!” For many others you would let that person know how much pain they have caused you and even show anger. Many would want answers, others would want an apology.

I have been in all those places in my life wanting to scream anger at those who have hurt me, wanting answers, and an apology. That is not how it is anymore. If I were to be sitting across from the man that raped me as a child and the cousin that molested me I would spend an hour talking only of our God and the son He gave who died on the cross for our sins. I would pray for the evil inside of them. For that is how I would show the evil in both of them of how I have overcome their evil with good. With a chance of showing them a life with God and not Satan something I know they both battle with. Most would find the ability to do that impossible, but nothing is impossible if you have a relationship with God. That is what is possible if you have faith in Him and Believe.  Anything is POSSIBLE!

That is how you learn to “Live For Today” which is why I ended that book with

“Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good”

So the question is Do you know Him?

God Bless!

But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you (Luke 6:27-28)

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head. “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (Romans 12: 17-21)

I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.- John 14:12-14

For God so greatly loved and dearly prized the world that He [even] gave up His only begotten (unique) Son, so that whoever believes in (trusts in, clings to, relies on) Him shall not perish (come to destruction, be lost) but have eternal (everlasting) life. John 3:16

Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. – Matthew 28:19

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. -Jeremiah 29:11

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” – Matthew 11:28

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. -Romans 8:28

I get letters like these all the time. I have received thousands over the years. I took a few and posted them below. This is the reason I speak so public because there are so many that walk the same path and do not even know it. Those who thank me I tell them to thank the man upstairs for God made this all possible. He has many more mountains he is going to help me move in this lifetime.

Letters

I just finished reading you book.  It has helped me realize that I need to finally get help for what happened to me as I as a child.  I was raped and molested as a child from the age of 10 to the age of 15 when my brother moved out,  that was one of the happiest days of my life.  I never told anyone though until a year ago I ended up trying to find ways to numb the pain the wrong ways. I did a lot of drugs and drank a lot and ended up getting addicted to cocaine off and on for a few years. I just wanted to thank you and let you know that you have inspired me to change my life.  I haven’t done any drugs in almost three months now, hopefully getting help will help me even more to stay off of them.

-Woman from unknown area-

Thank you for allowing me to find my voice and break my silence. Because of you I no longer feel so alone in this world. While you may be on the other side of the world from me I still know I am not alone and someone else can relate. Your book has helped me understand that. I hope someday we can meet.

-Woman from Australia-

I don’t think it was by chance that I found your book. I know that God has a path for me that I didn’t really understand. But after reading your book I know what I want to do with my life. Ever since it happened, I knew that I wanted to do something to help others with similar situations, but I didn’t know where to start. I have already helped others with their pain and speaking out, but I want to do more, help more people, make more people aware!

-Woman from Canada-

A little while ago, while wandering around my local bookstore and ever so discreetly reaching the self help section, I came across your book. I’d spent many many hours so adamantly searching for something that could help me. Something that would make my pain go away, and would stop this vexation of an emotional roller coaster to stop. Across the scattered titles of self help workbooks and instant life makeovers, I found Stolen Innocence. Or as I like to believe, it found me. Reading your diary was like reliving my past so vividly. Tears streamed down my face at every memory you captured and I understood your pain. But as I continued to read, I cried more and more for I realized that you were healing yourself and letting everything go. My heart did an enormous leap for I realized there is strength to carry on after all that we have been through and I felt as though this is what I needed to give myself that final extra push to heal myself. Your words of encourgment and journey to forgive was so beautiful and strong. Reading your story was what gave me the strength to finally heal myself completely.

-woman from unknown area-

Thanks for allowing me to find the inner strength to share my story and find my voice. After reading your story I know I am not alone in this world. You have given me so much hope. I have only told one other person. You are an inspiration to me.

-Woman from United Kingdom-

I read your book in 1 1/2 days!  I just couldn’t put it down!!  It hit home so much that I was sickened throughout the whole book right to the end.  It is so amazing that you got through all of this and have come out to help others in the same situation. The first time I saw you was on the Montel show.  It’s really weird, too, because I never watch the Montel show.  I was flipping through the channels and just decided to watch it that day.  You are such an inspiration to me and I am sure to many others.  Keep up the good work!  I will be looking for you on other tv appearances.

-Woman from Mississippi-

You are a strong and brave girl to take that step.  Thanks for being a voice thru book and on television on this subject.

-Woman from Texas-

I am 15 years old. I have recently finished your book. It was amazing an powerful. I know exactly what you are talking about. I was abused by two cousins for ten years.You book helped me break my silence and get help. I have a therapist now and I have told my parents and my best friend. They help out so much. I still have  horrible nightmares and flashbacks, But now I know they will never ever get me again. Thank you for writing your book. It has helped me and so many others.

-Teen from unknown area-

Thank you for doing what I could not do 39 years ago. I am a 49 year old victim of sexual abuse from my step grandfather. So glad I saw you on television.

-Woman from unknown area-

Just wanted to let you know that I just finished your book. My daughter suffered a very similar experience to yours. She is currently in a therapeutic boarding school trying to work things out. She turns 17 next week and this started when she was about 10 years old. We only found out a few months ago.
It has been such a difficult time for our whole family. When I saw you on Good Morning America last weekend I immediately ordered your book. I just finished it and am mailing it to my daughter. I was amazed at the similarities between the two of you….it made a lot of her behaviors easier to understand. I hope she gets as much out of reading your book as I did. I hope it empowers her to take back control of her life. She has suffered long enough. I hope it makes her think…”If Erin can do it, so can I” My hat goes off to you. You sound like a wonderful young woman and I just know all of your dreams will come true.

-A mother of an abused daughter-

I am a 42 year old adult.  Your book was helpful to me with my PTSD and struggle with flashbacks and nightmares. I admire you and your writings about abuse and educating others.

-Woman from Canada-

My best friend recommended your book to me, and I cannot thank you enough for having the courage to go ahead and write this book about what happened to you. Thanks so much, because of you I feel like I can finally start to get my life back and move ahead.

-Woman from Long Island New York-

I was able to find your book by chance. I sat down this evening and have read the first 100 pages and
have not been able to put it down. So, I decided to do  a search and found your email and took a chance  and decided to send this message.  After reading the first 100 pages, I was drawn to email you saying that I think you are such a strong person and very admirable. Going through what you  have  gone through, and thriving to help kids is in and  above itself fascinating.

-Man from Florida-

I just finished reading your book today and I wanted to thank you for having the courage to publish your story.  You have helped me very much.  I know that there are so many people out there in the world who have survived sexual abuse, but to read your story has helped me feel like I am not so alone in the world. You are like an angel who was sent to help shed light on my otherwise dark life.

-Woman from Houston Texas-

When I read your book it inspired me so much. you are a very strong person, and an idol for many people, including me. Your a wonderful person and it’s incredible how you got on with your life. I couldn’t put down your book. I loved it! Many people hold a grudge for the rest of their lives, but you went on.

-10 year old girl from Massachusetts-

I bought your book and I would just like to say thank you for publishing it. I related to your feelings in the book. I couldn’t put it down. I related to a lot of what you wrote. I would read it in class and just start crying because I knew exactly how your were feeling. So thank you again for publishing your journey. You are a very strong person. And i wish you well in life. Thank you so much. You are an inspiration to me.

-High school senior from Wisconsin-

I write you this letter today to thank you for having the courage to share your story. I will no longer fear to let my voice be heard. I am a survivor! There is nothing I can’t do! Erin, I am truly grateful for your story. You have such an amazing heart to forgive all that has happened to you. You are such a strong person, and from reading your diary even I can get the sense there is nothing you can’t do. Thank you for giving me the courage to heal, and to let me know that I am not alone in my struggles. Reading your story has changed my outlook about myself and about the world. I now know I am a survivor, I can accomplish anything!

-Woman from unknown area-

At first I was scared about reading it, and i thought that it was just going to make my own pain worse. I was definitly wrong! The last few weeks have been the hardest for me ever, and my inncident happened almost 3 years ago, but for some reason its been unbearable lately. Reading your story really helped me out a lot. A lot of things that happened to you are very similar to what happened to me. Your book has showed me that things can get better even though 90% of the time it feels like it never will. I honestly did feel a lot better after reading it.

- High school student from Michigan-

I was actually walking through Borders Books and Music and I overheard two ladies talking about this book that they loved, which of course was yours.  So I went, found it and bought it.  And now I have everyone else reading it. So your voice is being heard all over Maine at the moment.

-Woman from Maine-

First and foremost, I would like to congratulate and thank you for having the courage and the strength to share your story. About a month ago my mom asked me to go to Boarders and buy Stolen Innocence for her, and she’s been reading it since then. Well, yesterday I picked it up for the first time since I brought it home from Boarders, and I read the entire thing in about three hours. I absolutely could NOT put it down. It seemed like your life and my life matched up so perfectly, we were the same. Reading your book, it truly felt like you were writing a book about my life.

-Woman from Washington-

I usually do not read memoirs because I think that many do more harm than good and the focus is always on the negative. Your book is different. It is real, and it is graphic at times, but it is so hopeful and focuses on healing. Don’t get me wrong. Just because I do not find the book depressing does not mean that I don’t find it heartbreaking. Empathy is one of my greatest strengths (and sometimes my greatest weakness!). Bottom line is, I can feel your pain and relate to it fully. I want to applaud you on your courage and strength. You are a true hero.

-Woman from unknown area-

Please let me first say how extremely courageous I think you are for sharing your story. You are giving such a vital and imperative voice to those who are in need of healing, people like myself. Like you, I experienced incest and molestation as a child. I was a beautiful little girl whose innocence was taken away before I reached the age of 10. I am now 17 years old. Thank you  for sharing your story with the rest of the world. It truly does mean so, so much to me. You are an absolute angel. May God bless you and shine his light upon you each and every single day.

-Teen from unknown area-

Ever have one of those nights where a dream or nightmare felt so real when you woke up from it you did not know if it was real or not. It is something I have come to live with surviving the trauma I endured as a child.  Nightmares are just something I learned to adjust to and live with. The crazy nightmares I used to have of my cousin Brian were haunting and very disturbing.  Usually though whenever I have woken up from a nightmare I know it was just a bad dream and not reality. Last night was not like that.

I went to bed around 11:30pm. The events right before going to bed was a fun night out in downtown Lake Geneva at a great restaurant and then a little writing before bed. The writing I was doing was positive and happy so I know that did not trigger me to have such a nightmare that felt so real.

The nightmare felt so real because it played out exactly as how I was right before I went to bed.

The nightmare

Suddenly I returned home from a night out in Lake Geneva. I walked my dog as I usually do when I get home, said goodnight to my mother who sleeps on the main floor and I went upstairs where there are 5 bedrooms. I am the only one up there. I turn on the fan, climb in bed sleeping on top of the covers with only a sheet because it is hot and turn off the light. Suddenly I hear noises like someone is walking down the hallway, the noises get closer but it is so dark you cannot see anything. I am opening my eyes trying to make out if someone is coming down the hallway but I cannot see anything. Suddenly the noises move closer into the bedroom I am sleeping in but I still cannot see anything. I fix my eyes on the window off to the corner of the room because the lights of a house behind us let a tiny bit of light shine into the room only hitting the wall and curtain on the closet.  That is when I see the shadow and hear the floor next to the bed I am sleeping on make noise. I realize someone is in the room with me and I am beginning to panic wondering in my mind do I pretend to be asleep (When I am actually asleep dreaming this all). Suddenly the bedroom door that was open is now closing and fear has consumed me as I continue to lay as still as possible. The room goes quiet besides the sound of the fan. After a few minutes I finally decide to turn over and in that instant a hand is over my mouth telling me not to scream and the weight of someone on top of me. A face I still cannot see but a voice I have not forgotten. “I told you if you ever told I’d come get you.”

Awake

The terror of the nightmare wakes me yet when I wake up I feel like it was reality because of where it took place. I lay in the darkness fearing he has come back for exposing his evil. Wondering if we forgot to lock the doors when we went out earlier that night and he got in and was waiting upstairs for me to come home. A sense of anxiety came over me as I could not see anything in the room as my mind began to race. Just coming out of being awoken from an awful nightmare and trying to talk some sense into myself that it was all just a nightmare and he really is not hidding in an upstairs bedroom waiting to jump out at me.

My memory soon takes me back to being a 7 year old not stuck in a nightmare but reality of being woken up from sleeping and carried into a rapists bedroom and onto his bed where he would have oral sex with me. Of course I did not know back then what you called what he had done but remember clearly what he had done and how he told me after he was all done that I go back in my friends room and go to sleep.

I’ve learned to live with this and not allow it to consume me. When nightmares happen or memories try to flood my mind I remind myself what I was put on this Earth to do and that is not to stay stuck in the darkness but to show others the way to the light and their voice. The same thing I have shown that once 7 year old locked in darkness. The innocence killed in me as a child is the innocence I want no other child to lose. Which is why I let go of the nightmares and hold on to the dreams of the things I have set out to do in this lifetime.

Dreams of how I have turned those nightmares and flashbacks that were often so dark and put such a bright light on them to be a force to lead others out of that darkness and silence.

Bring on the nightmares and flashbacks it will never put a stop to my mission. It does not even make me pause and think for a moment I need to turn off and go down another path. I will hit every speed bump in the road because I have learned to accept this as part of my life and the good that has come out of the pain I have endured is far bigger then any nightmare or flashback.

Tags: darkness, dreams, Flashbacks, nightmare, Rape, Sexual Abuse, Silence, stolen innocence, Survivor

Before my innocence was stolen I was a happy child with a mom who followed us around with the video camera capturing precious Memories on camera. Moments like Christmas 1990 just months before I was exposed to the evil that exists in this world. Evil that would turn my seemingly perfect world upside down. You would not know watching the video of me singing Heal The World at 8 years old that a year earlier an evil coward locked me behind closed doors, forced me onto a bed, used his hands to silence my screams, and raped me. The only video of that is the one that is stored in my memory. I knew at a young age to stop trusting people. Something that has been by far the most difficult thing to get back in my life. Little did I know evil lurked in the shadows of my own family when I would wake up in the middle of the night at eleven years old to my teenage cousin with his hands down my pants. A cousin who would continue to lock me behind closed doors and molest me until I was 13.

The evil I experienced led me down a very self-destructive path from depression, suicide attempt, self-injury, and an eating disorder.

So why go public when I was a senior in high school when I live in a world that places stigma and shame on survivors because I wanted to help survivors out of darkness to finding their voice but even more importantly wake up our WORLD! I do not want another child to endure the trauma I endured as a child and the pain that you carry the rest of your life. I do not want another parent to have to learn the news of what my parents learned that their daughters were molested and one of them raped. You cannot understand unless you have been in the shoes of parents who want everything for their children and then to learn something like this happened or to have your childs life taken by one of these monsters.

It is so upsetting to me to see millions in our world walk around with blinders on. So many are guilty of this including many of you reading this. You feel as if it does not affect you then why care. It was not your child hurt so you look the other way. You hear about it on the news, or read about it in the papers and think for a moment or maybe a day about that child and the parents, but after that you go on with your life because it does not affect you personally. DO NOT WAIT until it is your child that is telling you what uncle so and so did, or family friend, etc. DO NOT WAIT until it is your child that does not return home and suddenly it becomes your reality. Do something about it TODAY! Sit down with your children, nieces, newphews, or grandchildren and talk to them about what a safe touch is and what an unsafe touch is. A perfect opportunity for this conversation if your a parent is while you are giving your young children a bath and explaining to them about  places no one ever touches you. Here we are in the United States in the middle of a hot summer. While you are applying sun-screen to your children explain to them the parts of their body that their swimsuit covers is a place nobody ever touches. Explain to them if someone ever tries to touch you there,  kick, fight, scream and tell an adult. If the first adult you tell does not do anything you tell somebody else. Create a list with your kids of people they feel safe with that they could go to if they are ever in need to talk to somebody. Warn them that it is not just strangers that do this. People that you know, love, and might be related to could do this.

Talk to your kids about secrets. Explain to them what a safe secret is and what an unsafe secret is. A good way to explain this is a surprise party that is something you would keep a secret or a favorite toy your brother or sister is getting for their birthday or Christmas. An unsafe secret is when someone is hurting you physically or sexually and making you keep it a secret and often use threats of ( harm, death, or nobody will believe you) Make sure you tell your kids “I will always believe you” enforce that because so many get brainwashed by a predator into silence. Remind your kids that “Their body belongs to them!” There is a great book called Your Body Belongs to You a book I suggest reading to your kids. Teach your kids how to fight back if someone else tries to take them and all the places to kick, punch, pull and to not stop screaming. I have a good friend Erin Weed that has an organization called “Girls Fight Back” it teaches women across the country how to fight back if being attacked. Bring her to your kids high school or college. Someday I hope Erin Weed gets down to the elementary school levels and teaches younger kids how to fight back. A lesson my father always told my sisters and I as children and still says it to me to this day. Do not ever let yourself be taken to another location you fight with everything you got if somebody attacks you. My father never imagined teaching us this important lesson the monsters lurking in our own family and community that would harm his children and not the “Stranger Danger” that is often drilled into kids heads.

I could go on and on but I will not. I hope I have motivated you enough to not wait until it is your child or a child you know that has been hurt to do something. Mothers call up your girlfriends and discuss this over coffee on what you can do to protect your kids from ever being harmed. Parents get in contact with your children’s schools to start educating kids about sexual abuse. If I have not convinced you the importance of this matter just pick up my books Stolen Innocence & Living For Today because it will convince you. Believe me there are plenty of children out there at this very moment keeping this secret locked away in a diary the way I did.

Tags: awarenss, children, educate, important, Innocence, kids, living for today, Molestation, parents, Prevention, protect, Rape, sex offender, Sexual Abuse, stolen, Warning Signs

Since I took at stand as a senior in high school publishing my first book Stolen Innocence I have been dedicated to putting a face and voice on sexual abuse and educating the public on this silent epidemic. Over the past 6 years since then I have met and become friends with amazing people across this world by speaking out. As I described in my second book Living For Today I lost an entire extended family by going public with my story but the lives God has allowed me to cross paths with that I would of never met had I not taken a stand has been so worth it. To be able to turn such pain in my life into determination, strength, courage, inspiration and be able to share it with thousands of people. From one of the first letters of a young girl in New Zealand that found her voice after reading my first book, or the young woman from Australia that found my book in a library there and the healing touch it had on her own life and breaking her silence. To the men and women I have met across America at speaking engagements who spend everyday working in a field to protect children from abuse. To the survivors that come out of darkness after hearing me speak. They come from all walks of life from an 80 year old grandma to a young 20 year old in a small town of Nebraska who was still being abused. The stories I could tell from people I have crossed paths with could be a book itself. Today though will stand out the most in the 6 1/2 years since I began this journey of taking my story public.

I like so many millions across America and the world heard the breaking news on February 26th when 17 year old Chelsea King from California went missing after going for a run. It is every parents worst nightmare when your child does not return home. Brent and Kelly King, Chelsea’s parents went to the media appearing on every national network praying for the safe return of their daughter. As so many people know Chelsea did not come home. A convicted sex offender was arrested days later who later confessed to ending Chelsea’s beautiful life and confessed to ending the life of 14 year old Amber Dubois the year earlier. He was sentenced in April to life in prison without parole. After Brent and Kelly learned a convicted sex offender was the one who raped and ended their daughters life they were determined to protect other children and not have other parents walk in their shoes by going after a law called “Chelsea’s law” that would one allow life sentences without parole for violent sex offenders, provide for lifetime parole and GPS monitoring of certain offenders after their release from prison, and would prohibit offenders from entering parks where children are present, like the one in which Chelsea was abducted.

Every time I turned the television on from the time Chelsea went missing, to her murders sentencing, and watched her parents talk  in interviews I just wanted to reach into the television and wrap my arms around both of them and take their pain. I would pray out to God to comfort them in their pain.

I sent an email to the King family and the Chelsea Light Organization back in April to let them know they were in my prayers and my efforts with Erin’s law in Illinois. When I learned they were moving from California back to the suburbs of Chicago where they lived for ten years I knew I had to connect with them. They arrived back two weeks ago and live now only 30 minutes from me. Brent asked me over the weekend about getting lunch with him and Kelly. I felt the need to bring something and wanted it to be a way of remembering Chelsea. A teen I had never met but had seen all over the media how much she loved Sunflowers. So as I walked the downtown of Lake Geneva, Wisconsin over the weekend I looked up in the sky and said in my head “Chelsea we may have never met but you know I will be meeting your parents next week. Let them feel your presence, send them a message, lead me to Sunflowers.” No joke the first store I walk into I feel sent to the back of the store and come upon an entire section of Sunflower items. (clock, butter dish, serving dish, huge painting of sunflowers, rug, cutting board, note pad, napkin holder, match box, mugs…I could go on and on). I was like WOW Chelsea I hear you. I really liked the coffee cups they had three single sunflowers coming up ( I look at that as representing Brent, Kelly, and her brother Tyler) but there was a word carved into the coffee cup it said “JOYFUL” I thought to myself is that the kind of word Brent and Kelly want to see. Then I said Chelsea led me in here for a reason maybe that is the word she wants her parents to be. So I went ahead and bought the Mugs among many other things including a glass sign with sunflowers on it that said “You are my Sunshine”

Today I met with Brent and Kelly at a restaurant in downtown Naperville, Illinois. The parents I have wanted to wrap my arms around through the TV were now standing in front of me. I hugged Kelly immediately and then Brent. It was no simple hug nice to meet you, It was a hug of comfort I have been wanting to give them both as I could see the agony in their eyes over so many interviews I had seen on television.

For the next 3 hours we talked and cried, sharing with me stories about their beautiful Chelsea, their mission for the future to protect other kids, they asked many questions about what I have done in my life and were blown away with what I have accomplished thus far. They both said I had the kind of energy Chelsea displayed. I loved their passion and determination to protect children and their vision for the future. A future where we both are going to work together to move mountains and not let anyone stop us.

When I had first sat in the booth across from both of them Kelly reached over and grabbed my hands and said how happy she was to finally meet me and as I held her hands they both described the incredible people Chelsea keeps bringing in their life. I then got on the topic of faith. Brent showed me an incredible tattoo he got in memory of Chelsea with a sunflower, cross in the sunflower as the stem and a phrase above it that I did not understand. They went on to describe that it was a saying Chelsea always had about joy and being joyful in life. The hairs on my arms stood up and my mouth dropped. I said wait until you open this gift.

We talked in depth about Faith as Kelly asked me questions and I told her how my faith was challenged and I often had turned away from God but in the end discovered he was there all along even when I turned my back on him he did not leave my side walking along with me in my pain. I told Kelly and Brent they have ever right to be in a place of questioning God, having anger, etc. I told her without my faith in God I would not be the person I am today doing what I am doing. They know she is in Heaven and as I told them and the greatest thing of all is we know one day you will see your sweet angel Chelsea again. She will be waiting welcome you both to Heaven one day holding Sunflowers and if she could tell you anything right now she would be looking down telling you how amazing and beautiful Heaven is and how happy she is. At the same time that does not take away how much Brent and Kelly miss Chelsea and as they said they will never stop missing her as many tears were shed. I reminded them she will never be forgotten and many lives will be saved because of her life and how they both are keeping her memory alive.

I gave them copies of both my books and as Kelly opened the card she immediately began crying. She said the picture on the front of the card has special meaning she will share with me another time. They continued to open and when they came upon the coffee cups with the word “Joyful” they were so blown away. I looked at them both and said, “I told you she was with me shopping, how would I have any clue the significance the word joyful would be to you both?” But that was not the end. The real waterworks started when Kelly came upon the sign they can hang up with the sunflowers and the phrase “You are my sunshine!” Brent with tears filled in his eyes said, “Erin that was my nickname for Chelsea I called her that all the time even describing when he would wake her and say get up Sunshine.

Is that not amazing how Chelsea can bring comfort to her parents through a complete stranger they have never met until today. What an angel she is and what angels her parents have become in becoming huge advocates to protect children. The bigger plans they have are incredible and I see something huge coming of it. Together the Kings and I along with an angel shinning her light from Heaven we will move mountains to protect children. With tougher laws on sex offenders, better education in schools for children, and a world we are going to shake to wake up to a reality of what is really going on.

I wish for one day every parent in the world could walk through the shoes of a parent who has lost a child to a sex offender just to wake them up and give them a reality check. We would live in a completely different world if that was possible. Instead The Kings, myself, Chelsea Change Makers, and Erin Law supporters are going to have to make a whole heck of a lot of noise. Don’t doubt us watch what we will get done!

Before leaving the Kings asked me to come to San Diego in August with them. They want me to bring my voice and energy because they know I have a lot of it. I of course took the offer and promised to bring my strong voice and energy. After 3 hours with two people that before today were complete strangers I watched from my TV for the past 5 months praying for them, I now felt like I was sitting across from two family members I have known for years. I know I will stay close with the Kings for years to come and look forward to seeing what God will do in our lives over the next ten years in making CHANGE happen in this country. Just you wait!

When I walked out to the parking lot with Brent and Kelly, Kelly took off her orange Chelsea’s light.org wrist band and slipped it on my wrist along side my blue band that says “Child Abuse-Break the Silence-Heal the Hurt-

Check out Chelsea’s Light on facebook They are 5,500 short of reaching 100,000 and Kelly expressed she really wants that remaining 5,500. Lets help this mother get that! Get your friends joining and don’t forget to join Erin’s Law if you haven’t already.

Kelly later sent me a beautiful text message about what a blessing it was to meet me and a beautiful reminder I was from God and how Chelsea brought another angel into their lives. It is a text message I won’t be deleting and it is a reminder to me when I think back to being a 6 1/2 year old locked in a bedroom with a grown man raping me and the questions I would ask myself later in life “Why me? Why did he keep me alive? Why speak out?” Today is a beautiful reminder to me of my purpose on this Earth. Why I am still here and why I speak out. God has a plan for all of us and he clearly has shown me mine. Had I not been raped as a child and molested from a cousin I honestly do not think I would of met the Kings today, another blessing in my life God just brought me of two incredible beautiful people.

In closing I ask you to continue to keep the Kings in your prayers. Unless you have walked through their shoes you have no idea the mountain of pain they are dealing with. A monster took their daughters life 5 months ago and they will wake up the rest of their lives every single morning missing her. They are learning to take one day at a time, grieve, and protect any other parent from living their nightmare and child from being hurt. God has huge plans in store for them and right now God may seem so far away from them as he would most anyone who just had one of their greatest joys taken from them, but if we all pray for the Kings God will hold their hands every step of the way giving them the strength that they need.

I felt a calling in my life like I have never felt when I learned of the Kings and I feel God sent them back to Illinois to allow me to be apart of their lives.

God Bless the Kings!

Tags: Brent and Kelly King, Chelsea King, Chelsea Law, Child Sexual Abuse, Erin's Law, Rape, Sex Offenders

I have been busy with pen and paper working on my 3rd book. It is still hard for me to believe that by the age of 24 I already had 2 published books. It seems unreal. Continue reading “My Third Book…” »

Tags: books, Child Sexual Abuse Education, Erin Merryn, Erin's Law, living for today, publishing, stolen innocence, writing

I know the title alone of this post  gave you enough curiosity to check out what I am talking about. Well clearly it has to do with sex, men and relationships.  Warning some graphic reading….I hope men do not take offense reading this.

I was raised in a Christian home where the morals and values I was brought up in taught me to save myself for marriage. I am sure there are many parents out there that hope their children will listen to them and wait for marriage but many do not. Some just hope their children use protection. And the others just have very bad parenting never talking about sex with their kids. Avoiding the subject is only going to cause bigger problems down the road. Do not leave it to sex ed to teach your kids. Sit down and talk to them. My mother sat down with my sisters and I many times and told us the importance of sex is something you wait for marriage and it clearly states it in the Bible. My mother would often tell her friends her daughters are saving themselves for marriage and her friends would tell her that she is living in some bubble and we were just telling her what she wanted to hear. Which was untrue! I have a very open relationship with my mother after all I have her to thank for having the morals and values I have. Continue reading “Sex, Men, Relationships” »

Tags: Abstinence, Boundaries, Christianity, Communication, Faith, Marriage, Memory, Molestation, Morality, Parenting, Rape, Relationships, Self-Control, Sex Education, Trust, Virginity

When I went public in March 2004 with my first book “Stolen Innocence” I was a senior in high school just about to graduate and stepping out of darkness and into the spotlight. Little did I know the battle I was about to be fighting 6 months later when I went off to college. I was never interested in working out, the only time I knew how much I weighed was when I went to the doctor for a physical or my yearly fitness test in high school PE. That number on the scale would go in one year and out the other and I never cared how many calories I was consuming.  That would all change in September of 2004 when what started as getting in shape and using my college rec-center turned into obsessing over my body image. I could not stand to look in the mirror, my face bothered me the most. All I saw was fat and found comfort and control in a new daily routine of working out and eating the same food. I began counting calories on the food in the college cafeteria and when I went to the store. I began to increase how much time I spent working out what began with 30 minutes my freshmen year soon increased to an hour within a few months. Before long I was working out 2 hours a day and continuing to cut back how many calories I allowed myself to consume. I loved the control and power I felt I had in my life over my own body. A body that for so long I felt I had no control over and was used garbage. Continue reading “Eating Disorder” »

Tags: Anorexic Patterns, Calorie Counting, Eating Disorder, Exercise, Faith, Food Repetition, Grand Mal Seizure, Health, Lost Menstrual Cycle, Mental Triggers, Self-Control, Sexual Abuse, Starvation