Warning: May Trigger Many Please Read with Caution
On a cold January 1992 day
I went to my friends to play.
Toys scattered the floor
As he walked in and closed the door.
He locked anyone from coming in
From allowing the outside to see his sin.
Forcing a little girl to the bed
I trembled at what he said.
“I will tie your hands down
If you make another sound
You would not want me to do that would you?”
If only somebody knew.
Tears streamed down my face
As he took me to an unthinkable place.
His eyes pierced me with a cold look
That I would one day describe in a book.
Screaming out to my best friend
Just wanting the horror to end.
My loud screams went unheard
You could not hear a word.
He covered my mouth with his hand to silence me.
I cried out for mommy and daddy wanting to be free.
I cannot get the whites of his eyes out of my head
Or the horror that went on in that bed.
He forced himself inside of me
Holding himself up by one hand and knee.
I was at the tender age of six and a half
And all he could do was smile and laugh.
Sweat fell from his bald head and poured down his face
As he forced my hand to touch his private place.
When he was all done he up and walked out the door.
That day I went through unimaginable horror.
I kept silent for fifteen years
And it still brings tears.
My innocence is what he killed
The rest of my life I had to start and rebuild.
Little did I know another man was waiting for his turn.
Oh the life lessons I have come to learn.
I learned to let go of the shame
For I was not to blame.
I let go of the anger and rage.
It helped to turn another page.
The tears still visit me in the night
When the time feels most right.
I went back and reclaimed my voice
For this was a time to rejoice.
No longer trapped and abused by evil men
That was back then.
I’m living for today
Letting God lead the way.
-erin merryn-
Beautiful. I love the ending.
so sad i remember nearly being molested when i was five years old i still remember how i felt i will never forget it im sorry to hear this about you we need to fight for children s rights to be heard
Erin, may your voice carry the strength of thousands who have suffered that pain. I hope not only for your law to go into effect in your home state, but across this country, as it is needed. My prayers to you.
[...] Erin Merryn shares the story of her rape and her healing process in verse. [...]
Erin -
Your work is inspiring. I am still in the somewhat silent mode – in therapy but not open with others. Although I’m probably twice your age.
The line “the tears still visit me in the night” resonate with me.
I’m glad someone is speaking up in an attempt to make our children safer.
OLJ
I can still remember my son repeating over and over: “this is not a joke, it is not funny.. my dad put his pipi in my buttom” It is still destroying me, I just want to die thinking that such a horror happened to my own baby.. And to think that “protective services” did not even care to investigate this, they just yanked my son out of my arms and put him to live with a perpetrator. They have destroyed my son.. took his mother’s love away from him and destroyed his life as they do millions of other children’s lives. What happened to you is very horrible and as a mother of a victim child it makes me feel so much worse. We have to fight though, we can’t let these monsters win.